So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
