The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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