You smell like a Billy Joel song
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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