so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
