dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
