OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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