If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
