Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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