I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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