If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
smell my finger.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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