I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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