You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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