a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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