the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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