I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
