When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
