I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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