Jerry, you need to find god
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
