Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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