I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
