U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
