imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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