he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
