hotel room ftw
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
