Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
