I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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