you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
