I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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