shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
