When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???