Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.