Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
