I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
