So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
