We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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