My liver just broke up with me...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
