I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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