fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
