To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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