Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
