as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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