hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
