I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
