do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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