I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
