He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
