i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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