Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
