I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
