it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Randomize