i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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