I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
