when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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