Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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