At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
