He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I AM VODKA MAN
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
