Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
