I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
