Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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