but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think my vagina is haunted
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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