if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
