so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
