I feel great
I just peed on a car
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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