The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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