know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
