dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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