her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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