lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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