Already got asked if we're dating
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
