Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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