I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
