I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
