HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize