I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
