he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
