I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
