By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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