rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
