I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
