and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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