If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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