I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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