I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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