so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
